Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
