You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
its not stalking. its research.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
