I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
