i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
