Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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