Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
