what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
