Who wears a wallet chain?!
I could make wine with my vomit
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
