She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
