You really coming over, don't trick.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
