So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
