No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
