I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was born a porn star she said
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
