You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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