Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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