I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
