And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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