Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
