def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
