I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
