what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
