C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
