You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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