I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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