if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
