Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
