If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
