no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
