Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
