How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
