Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
