i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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