I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
