last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
