Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
