Non-Jews are for practice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
