closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
