Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am midnight drunk by noon
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
