No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
