i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize