based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
