so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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