I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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