dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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