I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
