After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
