so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
