naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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