Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
