I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
