I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
