Screwed.edu
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
