WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize