ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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