I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
