Define "chronic" masturbator.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
