The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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