your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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