Can i not drive my cunt home
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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