hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
