Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i dont even know how to be here
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
