I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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