It's just like the Real World with babies
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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