I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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