hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
